


On the Complexities of Living

by DragonJadeMountain



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Character Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 02:23:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17153513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonJadeMountain/pseuds/DragonJadeMountain
Summary: ... And other such explorations of the human psycheAka, the newest video (Embarrassing Phases) got me thinking and I needed to write some stuff down. I might add to this later as I come up with more ideas, but we'll see





	On the Complexities of Living

Virgil sat on the countertop, one leg pressed flat against the opposing wall, the other hanging limply down towards the ground. He scrolled through his phone, face set in a neutral expression. Footsteps drew his attention, but not enough to draw his eyes away from the illuminating screen. The sharp _tap-tap_ of dress shoes, light and precise, gave away their owner to be Logan.

“Greetings, Virgil,” the logical side said politely. Virgil offered no verbal response, opting instead for a simple two-fingered salute that the other acknowledged with a polite nod. Logan quickly went about his business of opening the refrigerator and removing a jar of Crofters. He made no further moves to speak to the dark and gloomy side who in return, made no moves to talk with him. Mission accomplished, Logan retreated from the room and disappeared to elsewhere, leaving Virgil alone again.

Virgil tapped on his phone, a simple sudoku puzzle to keep his eyes and hands busy while his mind wandered elsewhere. He usually spent his time in his room, but ever since he had made friends with the others, he choose instead to sit in silence out here in the open. It was a non-committal way of opening up to them, he supposed. He wasn’t really expected to do anything. Most of the time, he wasn’t dragged into a conversation. If anything, he was talked at or not talked to at all. He didn’t really mind though. He was content enough to be acknowledged without being overwhelmed.

Still, he wondered if he was being too stand-offish, or too nice. He wasn’t really a nice side by nature. It kind of came with the job description, but he liked to think it was more than that. It wasn’t merely his job that required a dark and stormy persona, that was who he was, how he was most comfortable presenting himself. All the same, he wondered if the other’s saw it that way.

Sometimes he felt like they still saw him and his job as two different characters. Anxiety was the evil, mean, snarky one who would lash out at the others for getting in his way. Anxiety was the one who sniped at Patton and growled at Thomas to get his work done. Anxiety was the one who bullied his way into acceptance. Virgil was the sweet and salty one who needed comforting and reassurance. Virgil was the one who play-fought with the others, when there was no bite to his words. Virgil was the one who strove to protect Thomas. Virgil was the one worth accepting.

Virgil frowned at the thought, fingers hovering over his phone. He didn’t like the idea of others seeing him and his role differently. He was the same. He wasn’t evil like they viewed Anxiety, but he wasn’t the soft precious bean that could do no wrong that “Virgil” was. He was neither of them, and both of them somehow.

Yeah, he was mean, but so was Princey half the time, and no one yelled at _him_ for that. Maybe he overdid it a little, but that was just who he was, striven by a need to be listened to. He got frustrated when people weren’t listening, angry sometimes, and yeah he lashed out at the others when he got angry, but so did Logan. But he wasn’t totally devoid of wrong either. He was harsh with Thomas, of course he was. If he didn’t push and push, Thomas would never get things done. Okay, and maybe he was blind to when he crossed the line, but that was when the others stepped in. Listening to just one of them at any given time would be as stupid an idea as ignoring them completely. They were supposed to work as a team. When one of them got out of balance, the others called them back in or held them back.

Balance was the key. Virgil walked a fine line between asshole and nice. It was a thin line, and more than a little muddied. On some days, he leaned more to one side than the other, but that didn’t make him a whole new person. He could be an asshole and still be Virgil. Not everything he did was going to be perfect or amazing or the right thing to do. He would make mistakes, but so would the others. They all did, and they all would. Even breaking a complex human being into simplified parts, each of those parts was still uniquely complex. They couldn’t be summed up in one word that defined who they were, an adjective or a name.

None of the sides would ever be as complex as a real human, of course not, but together, and only together, could they be. Virgil was as much a part of that dynamic as Logan or Patton. He was just the less popular part. No one wants to listen to that ugly voice in their head that says they’re doing something wrong or gets mad at them or tries to hold them back, but that doesn’t make that voice any less a part of them.

Virgil was not an ideal side, he wasn’t always nice like Patton, or confident like Roman, or objective like Logan. He was mean, but he wasn’t _bad._ Because everybody can be a jerk, but it takes a certain kind of self-awareness to admit that, in hindsight, that wasn’t the best thing to do and to apologize for it. Everyone is mean at some point, but most people don’t have malicious intent in mind. Virgil never meant to hurt anyone. He just knew that being the mean one is the easiest way to get people to listen. And yeah, sometimes it wasn’t the right decision. But he couldn’t, and shouldn’t be expected to, make all the right decisions all the time. He was bound to screw up sooner or later.

Virgil sighed, turning off his phone and leaning his head back to rest against the wall. He pulled the hoodie closer around him, the familiar feeling of the fabric against his skin grounding him. He got too caught up in his thoughts sometimes, Logan told him as much often enough, but he couldn’t really help it. With a sigh, he swung the other leg over the counter and landed onto the floor. He marched over to the couch and collapsed onto it with a sigh, eyes staring blankly up at the ceiling and waiting for exhaustion to creep over him and take him away from his racing mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, my idea stemmed from a thought that I had about how the fandom tends to characterize Virgil as sort of an "uwu soft boi who needs a hug"
> 
> And I mean, I love pics of the other sides comforting Virgil as much as the next guy, but it takes away a complex and fascinating character that we've seen grow and change over the course of a series and boils him down into one or two soft moments, which doesn't do the character justice at all, so I decided to sort of do just a mini character study thing to try and get some thoughts out
> 
> Idk how good it is, I wrote it all in one sitting at like eleven at night, but we'll just post it and see how it goes


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